A Swamp Visit OR I Couldn’t Stand Myself This Week

            I couldn’t stand myself this week! Did you ever have a week like that?

            On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I journeyed into the swamp. As uninhabitable as it was, the swamp was worthy of a visit, although I would have preferred to leave and feel better. It wasn’t a pity party; it was visit to face reality.

 I’m not a nice person. During my childhood I heard: “If people really knew us, they wouldn’t like us.” There was something about us, I surmised, that meant we were unlikable. Even though I couldn’t figure that part out, I realized that if that were true, then I couldn’t possibly let people get to know me. I wanted a least a few friends, so the danger was that even if I had a few friends, they at some point would discover that I was repulsive and would not like me. It was a conundrum, a haunting conundrum.

            Since then, I’ve put aside that childish misunderstanding to face the fact that I’m not a nice person in a world of people much like me. I live and move in a world of imperfect people. That’s unpleasant to face personally and universally. I want to be nice, and I want the world to be nice. I assume that most people I meet want to be nice, too.

            Some things happened this week that took me to my not-nice swamp. I suspect you go to the swamp on occasion, too.  You know the kinds of situations and words that take you there. As I slopped around in my swamp, it affected my relationship with God, as it always does. Usually swamp slopping makes me feel like a worthless creature worthy only of swamp life. Not this time. I faced swamp-me squarely and said I was indeed some of the things I didn’t want to be.

            The swamp didn’t open up and swallow me, nor was a swamp rescue instant. What did happen was the Fountain. Last Sunday when I slipped into the prayer room at church, I read Psalm 87 and got stuck on verse 7. Like the old LP vinyl records that play the same thing over and over when they have a scratch, I read:  All my fountains are in you.

            What is there about a fountain that is so attractive? When I stood in line to buy flowers this spring, there were half a dozen bubbling fountains by the checkout. I wanted to stick my fingers in the water cascading down the side of the big jug fountain in front on me.  A fountain is an enticement to take off your shoe, toss a penny, sit and splash your hand in the water. A fountain is an invitation.

            I didn’t stop being not-nice just because I read that verse, but as the truth of the verse soaked into me, I realized again that all that anything of merit in my life is from God.  By myself I’m truly not nice at all. The Fountain of everything I need and everything anyone else needs is in Christ.

Whatever shortcoming, weakness, inadequacy we may have, Jesus Christ is the Fountain for that. If you need mercy, forgiveness, grace, courage, he is the Fountain for that. If you need rest, hope, comfort, peace, he is the Fountain for that. Kindness, love, patience?  The Fountain is the source. If you are in the swamp of not-nice and imperfect, he is the fountain for I-will-give-you-my-righteousness and restore you to firm ground.

            The swamp was part of my journey this week but not my new address.  Although I couldn’t stand myself for a few days, God understands me—all of us—and gives us the opportunity to come to the Fountain for all that we need any time we need it. If you’re in the swamp, I highly recommend the Fountain.